the craft. learning not to self-reject.

Rejection is a part of the writing process. We know that. As important as it is to fortify ourselves against the outside forces that will tell us no, it’s equally as important we don’t allow ourselves to self-reject in the process. We cannot continue to tell ourselves no before we try.

Self-rejection has deep roots in telling ourselves we’re not good enough. Or reinforcing our fear of success. Either we don’t think we can rise to the occasion. Or maybe we do and we’re afraid of what it means to win. If we do receive this opportunity, what happens then?

Let me tell you a little story. Pre-pandemic, I’d been contemplating applying to a fellowship opportunity. This wouldn’t have a scholarship though and I think it was approximately $700 to attend if you were selected. I mulled over the application and eventually decided not to apply because I wasn’t sure of a lot of things, but mainly if I could actually afford the fee if I was somehow selected.

Life went on, of course, and I found out that a fellow writer friend did end up applying and was selected. Someone involved in the fellowship was so impressed by her work, that they ended up paying the fee for her to attend.

HELLO? Now, my friend here is a phenomenal writer and I’m in no way saying that I would have been offered that same opportunity. However, it was one of the most important lessons I learned in self-rejection. Never mind the fact that I could have found the $700 somewhere if I was selected. It was silly of me to count myself out before even giving it a try. Not to be too preachy here, but God will make a way when we take the first step. That was a prime example of how that whole thing works.

So, the next year, I said to myself, I’m definitely applying, which I did! But then the wench we all know as COVID-19 came in and dashed any hopes of fellowships for 2020. Salty.

There have been numerous examples, not just this one, in my life where I counted myself out before anyone else could. It’s something that’s been ingrained in me for a long time and definitely a hard habit to break. Even as a child, if I thought the answer would be no, I wouldn’t ask my parents. But the reality here is when we ask not, we receive not. Period.

Quickly, I learned that so much of building a writing career is knocking on a lot of doors. Some will get slammed right back in your face. But guess what? Some of them actually open. And they can only do that when we put ourselves out there. When we get out of our own minds and simply make ourselves available to the good things we want to see happen for us.

There is a quote from Brene Brown that has become one of my life’s mantras. “Courage starts with showing up and allowing ourselves to be seen.”

Going out for things, applying, querying, they all take courage. And in my estimation, life rewards the courageous. When we don’t allow our negative thoughts to derail our ambition, we are putting our bravery to the test.

One of the most important things about this community is the idea of giving ourselves actual permission to write. We spend so much time contemplating whether we are writers or not, that it eats into the time we can actually spend crafting ideas and finishing the projects we start. If you just gave yourself permission today, what would be different? What would you do with it? How would things change for you?

You’re a writer. You are capable. You have everything you need to be successful. You are talented.

Now that those things are out of the way, what will you shoot for? How will you show up and allow yourself to be seen? How will you step out without fear and hope for the best possible result?

Fear dresses up as so many different things from procrastination to perfectionism and self-rejection. At a certain point, we have to ask ourselves, how long will I allow fear to be in the driver’s seat?