the craft. writing hard things.

Writing can truly be a process of excavation. Searching our innermost depths for material or simply to explore how we feel about things. To make sense of the world in so many ways.

Recently, my therapist recommended that I write about the trauma of losing my best friend to meningitis in high school. And the nuts part about it is, I could remember the event, but not much of what happened after which she was hoping I would write about as well. Nothing was there. It’s a literal black spot in my memory. Which, take it or leave it, because it’s also trying to remember details from close to 20 years ago. I know, I don’t look a day over 25, right? Ha! J/k. But apparently this can also be a common side effect to experiencing trauma. Who knew? Her advice? Nurturing the inner child enough to feel safe to come out and talk to me about how I was feeling at that time. I don’t want to write about any of it, even though it’s only for myself, but I know that I need to and so I’m gonna.

Most of us at some point will be writing about hard things. It may be an assignment in therapy or a memoir, or a blog post or maybe some type of incorporation into a fictional work, who knows? But as much as life isn’t always glitter and rainbows, neither is writing it seems. I am not one who wants any kind of seat on the trauma porn bus, however, writing has indeed been one of the best ways to process many things in life for me and so at times there is no way around it.

With that, I wanted to offer some insight on navigating writing hard things this week. If that’s okay with you?

Speaking with the inner child or self. I’ll pass on this first note from my therapist. She talked about making an appointment with her and keeping it. Now that may be a little woo woo. But ultimately, she was saying, show up for that space. When you do need to write hard things, don’t get flaky about it. Show up and see what comes out.

Create a safe space. Grab the tissues, the wine or the hot tea, or throw some oil in the diffuser. Whatever works for you. I’ve been a big fan of burning incense when I’m writing lately. My husband bought me a whole gang of lavender ones. I felt weird about needing to set the mood for writing, but it honestly works and I get a lot better of a product when I’ve taken the time to get the vibe right.

Take breaks. You don’t have to do it all at one time. Writing about tough subject matter can absolutely wreck you. You are literally reliving the thing as you put it into words. You might not be able to bear getting it all done in one session. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself as you explore some of the most challenging things you’ve experienced.

Revisit. Sometimes we’ve written about the hard thing in covert ways in the past. Do you journal? Go back to some of the entries that were happening around that time. Tweets, blog posts. They may help you find clues and gems to get you back to exactly where you were in that moment. Touch something. In college, we were assigned to write a poem inspired by an object. I brought in a rose from a ceramic project that I worked on with my mom and my friend’s mom for a wall that was in honor of my friend that passed. The energy I gleaned from it helped me write the piece that I performed about her.

Write by hand. There will forever be a certain connection for me between pen and paper that cannot be replicated by typing. I know it’s convenient for editing. But the hardest things I’ve had to write or the most emotional scenes I’m exploring in a story, I always write them by hand, first. Try it on for size to see how that may feel for you when approaching subject matter that’s a bit more vulnerable for you.

Lastly, remember that everything does not have to be for public consumption. I REPEAT. We are living in a time where I constantly have to remind myself that I do not have to post everything. I can’t tell you how often I’m deleting tweets lately. It’s like I have fallen out of love with telling strangers every random thought I have. Imagine that? But honestly, I come from the blogging era where we spilled our guts on an editorial schedule. And the older I get, the more I want to keep some of the most important things to myself. So yes, although I may seem very active on social media, BELIEVE ME, it is still very thoughtful and I keep a lot more things to myself these days. When I was writing about a particular health scare, I had to write it for myself first. Months had passed before I felt comfortable enough to share publicly and it is a piece that ended up having an amazing story when I did share it. I’ll tell you about that later. But even if it never saw the light of day, I needed to write it for myself.

We do not have to sacrifice ourselves on the altar of transparency. We can take good care of ourselves as we do the work in writing about those life changing moments from our lives. Be good to yourself and don’t ever let anyone exploit your pain. Writing is much more than an occupation. For some of us, it has been a lifeline.

Writing/Job Opportunities

Nicolas Juarez is looking for culture writers to assign TV recaps Vulture for the following series: Snowfall S5, Atlanta S3, Bridgerton S2, Pachinko, Moon Knight. Rates $150-$200 per recap/episode. Send pitches and clips if interested to nicolas.juarez@voxmedia.com.

Jonathan Borge at Elite Daily is now accepting pitches for thoughtful and timely essays/reported pieces/reactions on TV shows, movies, songs, albums, celebs, entertainment trends, and influencers making an impression on you/Gen Z. Generally not looking for roundups or watchlists. Rates begin at $250 and are negotiable, depending on experience. jonathan.borge@bustle.com

The FIYAH Literary Magazine Grant Series is intended to assist Black writers of speculative fiction in defraying costs associated with honing their craft. (Deadline 05/15)

Tin House is accepting submissions for the 2022 Summer Workshop.

LitHub is hiring an Assistant Editor. (Deadline 2/7, Salary 46K)

The New Yorker is hiring an Editorial Assistant.

Amazon is hiring an Alexa Personality Writer.

One World Publishing is hiring a Marketing Associate.

The Appeal is looking for freelance writers for their weekly newsletter. ($1/word) Topics related to criminal justice, such as policing, prisons, prosecutors, judges, juvenile incarceration, and more.

Prism is hiring a Contributing Writer, Education.